


Still Young

by dammitjim (masterassassin)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Songfic, Teen Angst, it's also really sappy, well kind of, you know the usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 05:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1333444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterassassin/pseuds/dammitjim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard never thought he’d end up back in Riverside. He once said he wouldn’t come back, and he had intended to keep the promise. Too much had happened here, too much he didn’t want to think about too carefully. But here he was, glancing back at his old high school through the rearview mirror as he drove to the ratty motel he remembered was on the edge of town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Young

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is kind of a songfic and also kind of a high school AU.
> 
> This little thing developed over the course of a few months and miraculously never left me. That tends to happen.  
> The title is taken from the Neon Trees song of the same name, which is also featured in here.
> 
> Also, I'd like to apologize for the weird formatting at some points, but I was too lazy to change it all.
> 
> My thanks go to Chriss for beta reading. You know I love you!
> 
> Enjoy!

Leonard never thought he’d end up back in Riverside. He once said he wouldn’t come back, and he had intended to keep the promise. Too much had happened here, too much he didn’t want to think about too carefully. But here he was, glancing back at his old high school through the rearview mirror as he drove to the ratty motel he remembered was on the edge of town and where he’d stay in just for a couple days.

 

Well, anything was better than the trainwreck that had become of his marriage over the last few months. Jocelyn had kicked him out of the house last week, then he’d spent a few days at a hotel in Atlanta and now Leonard had somehow ended up driving north.

 

Leonard knew it had been a mistake to come here as soon as he stepped out of his car, barely anything had changed. Even after five years everything still looked the same.  
He got a room only for the night, he figured it’d be better to leave first thing in the morning. He really shouldn’t have come here.

 

Just as Leonard pushed open the door to the small single room his felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He sat down his bag and went to answer the call, he didn’t recognize the number.

 

_‘Hello?’_

A sharp intake of breath, then _‘Bones?’_

 

Leonards heart suddenly seemed to skip a beat, only to then start hammering with double the speed. No way, this couldn’t be…

 

_‘No one’s called me that in a long time.’_ Leonard’s voice sounded weird even to his own ears.

 

_‘I wouldn’t think so, no.’_

 

_‘How do you- why are you calling me?’_ How could Jim know he was here already? He’d been in town for barely an hour.

 

_‘I saw you pass our old high school. I’d recognized that car anywhere... Apparently you never changed your number.’_ After a pause: _‘What are you doing here?’_   
Jim’s voice was deeper than Leonard remembered it. It sent chills down his spine.

 

_‘Oh I,’_ he cleared his throat _‘I’m just passing through. I’ll be gone again in a few hours.’_

_‘Tonight’s our five year high school reunion. You should come. I think a lot of people would like to see you again.’_ Goddamn it, really? Of all the nights he could have landed here.

 

_‘I… I don’t think this would be a good idea, Jim...’_ Leonard trailed off.

 

_‘It doesn’t have to be long, just to say hello… I’d like to see you too, Bones.’_

 

Leonard sighed heavily. _‘I really don’t-’_

_‘Just for a few minutes, for one song, alright?’_

 

_‘One song?’_

_‘One song. I just want to see you.’_ Jim’s voice was desperate.

 

_‘... What time and where exactly?’_ This was going to end badly.

 

_‘At nine, the gym.’_

_‘Alright, but it’s just gonna be five minutes.’_

 

_‘Yeah, good. See you then.’_ And with that the line was dead.

 

Leonard put his phone away with shaky fingers. This was a terrible, terrible mistake.

 

 

 

> He and Jim had been best friends in high school. Well, best friends was probably not the right term. Joined at the hip, soulmates. They had spent all their free time together, grown closer and closer and basically everyone had whispered about them secretly being a couple. Which they weren’t.  
> Five months before graduation Leonard started dating Jocelyn and the rumors stopped.
> 
>   
> But then at their graduation party Leonard had overheard just a bit too much of a conversation. Two girls were standing by the bar, watching Jim.  
> “I feel so bad for him.”
> 
> “God, yes, me too. I mean, you just need to watch the way he looks at McCoy. How didn’t he notice all those years?”
> 
> “Yeah, and now we’re all graduating and McCoy runs off with his girlfriend.” Leonard really didn’t like the way she said ‘girlfriend’.  
> “But really, Kirk’s been pining for him for so long now…”
> 
> At her words Leonard excused himself from his dance with Jocelyn, who didn’t seem to have heard anything, and went to the bathrooms.  
> His head was spinning, it couldn’t... Jim wasn’t… but really, if he thought about it, so many things made sense and Leonard wasn’t stupid, he had noticed the weird tension between them for a while now. He just never thought about it much. Since he started things with Jocelyn he had spent less time with Jim, and Leonard had always noticed how his friend didn’t seem all too happy for him and Joce.  
> But Jim really being in love with him, pining for him?
> 
> Leonard bit his lip, he was happy with his girlfriend. They had plans to head to Leonard’s birthplace in Georgia to spend some weeks there. And after that they maybe even wanted to move in together when things turned out this way.
> 
> That was when Jim had suddenly appeared next to him, looking a bit nervous.  
> “Uhm, could I talk to you for a minute?” he had asked and of course Leonard had nodded and went along with him.
> 
> Jim lead him out of the back entrance of the gym - he really did look good in that suit - and then stopped abruptly. Leonard almost ran into him.
> 
> “Okay, so you know that I’m in love with you.” Jim opened without any warning and the statement punched all the air out of Leonards lungs, he just stared.  
>  Jim went on. “Hell, I haven’t exactly been subtle about it and because this is our last day and I still don’t really know what’s going on with you I wanted to make that clear because maybe you really didn’t get it. So… what’s this with you and Jocelyn really about?”
> 
>   
> Leonard just blinked at him. He took a deep breath, choose to ignore the difficult stuff for now and go with the easy one, the last question.
> 
> “We uhm, we are together. As in a couple…” He really didn’t know what wasn’t clear about this.
> 
> Jim just smirked. “Yeah, alright” and seemed to be waiting for more.
> 
> “Uh, I really don’t know what you want to hear…” then Leonards brain caught up with him “Jesus Christ, Jim! I didn’t know. I mean, if I had known you… you were _in love_ with me, I wouldn’t have talked about Joce all the time and, oh my God I’m so sorry!”
> 
> “Nah, it’s fine, now you know and can break up with her.”
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “We won’t be here any longer. I wouldn’t have thought you were so shy about this, _us_ , but it’s alright. So…”
> 
> “No, I mean… what? Why should I break up with Joce?”
> 
> Jim looked at him incredulously. “Because you’re in love with me too, dumbass.” He sounded one hundred percent sure of himself.
> 
>  
> 
> They stood in silence for a minute.  
> Leonard tried to say something a few times, but he was still trying to process what the hell just happened. Jim was grinning widely.
> 
>  
> 
> “Jim”, he spoke up eventually, voice quiet, “I’m really, really sorry, but I’m… I’m not in love with you.” The grin on Jim’s face dimmed a little. “I’m happy with Jocelyn. We’re going to spend a few weeks in Georgia and then we might move in together.”
> 
>  
> 
> Jim’s face fell and the expression that stepped in place of the previous smirk was the worst Leonard had ever seen on his friend’s face. Utter disbelief, hurt, confusion, sadness. It looked a lot like Jim’s world had just stopped turning.
> 
> “Bones…” his voice was so broken that it threatened to bring tears to Leonard’s eyes.
> 
>  
> 
> Behind them the door opened and the last person either of them could need right now stepped out of the gym.
> 
> “Len, there you are! I was looking for you. Hey, Jim.” Jocelyn hadn’t yet noticed what was going on right now and waved in Jim’s direction before turning to Leonard.
> 
>  
> 
> Suddenly something in Jim’s face changed, his expression turned stony.
> 
> “I see. If you’d excuse me, Jocelyn, Leonard.” Jim’s voice, just seconds ago full of emotion, was ice cold. Leonard flinched.
> 
> “Jim, please! I didn’t know.” He was close to begging.
> 
> “How could you not know?” Jim howled at him and now there were tears in his eyes. “It’s been almost two years! How could you NOT KNOW?!”
> 
> Leonard stepped closer to Jim, but he backed away. “Don’t”, he whispered dangerously.
> 
> “Please, please Jim, I-” but Jim just widened the distance between them further.
> 
> “And I thought... all those years, I… I thought you…” Jim didn’t finish speaking, he just looked at Leonard, face streaked with tears now, before turning around and walking away.
> 
>  
> 
> Leonard couldn’t move. He barely noticed Jocelyn shaking him slightly. He just stared blindly into the darkness where Jim had disappeared.
> 
>  
> 
> And that had been the last time he’d seen Jim.

 

Later he couldn’t remember going home that night. The next thing he knew was that he was sitting on his bed frantically trying to reach Jim, but his phone went right to voicemail.

The next day he went to Jim’s house, but he was already gone.

 

Leonard hadn’t stopped sending messages to Jim, but after a while he got the notice that there was no one available under this number.

 

Eventually he went on with his life - with Jocelyn. They got married only two months later. Leonard still hadn’t stopped thinking about Jim almost every day.

 

_Because you’re in love with me too, dumbass._

 

When he looked back now, it had probably already started going downhill from there. He married Jocelyn without a second thought. It seemed the right and natural thing to do at the time. And still, even though Leonard acted perfectly normal on the outside, he missed Jim like a drowning man missed air. And it just didn’t stop.

 

After a while, enduring his marriage like some daily routine didn’t work out anymore. Now, after everything had gone to shit, here he was, wondering if he hadn’t been in love with Jim all along.

 

Sure, there had been those moments when Leonard had wondered how Jim would react if he’d just leaned over and kissed him while they were studying together. Or how he’d found that he just couldn’t look away when they had been swimming, and how it was the best feeling in the world to sit huddled up in blankets with Jim in winter, watching movies. He’d just never put too much thought into it. Maybe he should have.

 

Leonard really didn't know what he could expect in an hour. Jim had only said he wanted to see him, and he made promises for only one song, so this shouldn’t end too badly.

He started pacing up and down the small room. Why the hell did he have to come here, and how was it even possible that of all people who could have seen him drive through, it had to be Jim?

 

At half past eight Leonard went over to his car, still under the impression he was about to make everything worse. Jim had sounded so goddamn hopeful on the phone.

But what could happen in five minutes, right? They'd probably be too awkward with each other to say much anyway. On the other hand, Jim didn't really do awkward.

 

The drive to their old high school was over far too quickly. As Leonard parked the old pickup in front of the school, he could already hear music coming from the gym.  
He looked at himself in the rearview mirror.Three days worth of stubble graced his chin and he had dark circles under his eyes, he really didn’t look his best. Leonard didn’t feel his best either.

 

Eventually he exited his car four minutes shy of 9 o’clock.   
Leonard walked over to the gym with his head down low, he didn’t want anyone to notice him. But that got kind of impossible as he reached the gym entrance where two women were checking the names of the people arriving. He did recognize one of them. A young, beautiful woman with dark skin and long black hair.  
As Leonard came up to the two, both of them looked up.

 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Leonard is that really you?” Nyota Uhura exclaimed as she made out who was standing in front of her.  
“Yes, Nyota, it’s me. But would you please keep your voice down, I don’t need everyone knowing I’m here.” Leonard hissed. A few people around them had already shown interest in his arrival.

 

“Oh yeah, of course.” Nyota said a bit quieter. “I just never expected you to turn up, that’s all.”  
Leonard winced a bit. “Yeah, you’re not the only one.”

She gave him a sympathetic look, then she noted down his name.

 

It was really no wonder she’d reacted that way, almost everyone out of their graduating class had got wind of what had happened on their last day.

 

“Didn’t you bring Jocelyn with you?” Nyota asked a bit hesitantly.  
“We uhm… we didn’t work out in the end.” Leonard didn’t look at her as he said that. Then he quickly added “I won’t be staying for long. I’m actually just passing through, I’ll be gone in the morning.” He didn’t want much talk about him being back.

Leonard looked at his watch. It was 9 now.  
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just…” he trailed off, gesturing to the hall behind her.  
“Ah sure, here.” Nyota handed him a piece of crepe tape with his name written on it.  
Leonard made a grimace as he took it. “Thanks.” Then he stepped around her, the tape already crumbled in his hand.

 

The gym was fuller than he’d expected. At least a hundred people were spread all over the hall. Their graduating class hadn’t been that big and Leonard was sure that a lot of his previous classmates had left town after graduation just like he had. Well, there was one good thing about it: It’d be easier for him to blend in.

 

Leonard scanned the crowd for familiar faces. He did recognize a few but not really anyone he wanted to talk to. As he hadn’t made out Jim among them yet, he relaxed a bit more.

 

Just as he reached the table where a makeshift bar had been arranged, the band finished their current song. He politely clapped along with most of the guests and then turned back to look over the list of offered refreshments.

 

There was a bit of bustle on the stage and the microphone screeched with feedback for a second before someone spoke up.

 

“Hi, sorry for that.” A few people laughed. “My name’s Jim. A few of you might remember me. I asked the band if they’d let me perform one song and they were so kind. This is for someone who means a lot to me.”

 

Leonard’s head whipped around as [a song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTGkA5dlaQQ) started to play. Up on the stage was Jim Kirk, hands around the mic in its stand. His blond hair had gotten a bit darker over the last five years and he wore it shorter now. And even from the distance Leonard had to the stage, he could still see the incredible blue of Jim’s eyes. He looked amazing.

 

Then Jim began to sing and his gaze was fixed on Leonard.

 

_Love is a game that we could play  
_ _Even only for today  
_ _I don’t_ wanna lose you

_We’ve been apart for far too long_  
 _Now we only have a song  
_ _Let the music move you_

_There was a part of me_  
 _That never left a part of you  
_ _I wish I could be everything you wanted_

 

Jim closed his eyes then, something that looked like pain showing on his face and sang the refrain with everything he got.

 

_But I’m still young_  
 _Wide-eyed and hopeless_  
 _Yeah, I’m still young  
_ _I want your devotion to this_

 

He opened his eyes again, pinning Leonard in place.

 

_Can we kiss like we do in my head_  
 _Can we dance like we do on my bed  
_ _Like we’re still young_

 

Leonard felt like he couldn’t breathe. All eyes in the gym were on him, people whispering frantically to each other. By now everyone had noticed who Jim was singing to.  
Leonard’s heart was racing wildly and he swallowed hard. The significance of the song wasn’t lost on him and it drove tears to his eyes.   
How did he not realize back then? And not just that Jim had been in love with him. If Leonard was completely honest with himself, he knew that he’d admitted to himself long ago that what he felt for Jim hadn’t just been friendship. He’d tried to suppress these thoughts, thinking he’d never see Jim again anyway.

But now here he was, getting serenaded by Jim with a song that couldn’t be more fitting and everything came crashing back down over his head.

 

On the stage Jim had reached the refrain again, but this time he kept his eyes closed. As he turned to sing the bridge his voice got a tad lower and he almost sounded a bit choked up.

 

_Baby don’t you cry_  
 _I won’t tell you lies  
_ _I’ll just sit and sing you lullabies_

 

There was a short pause in the song and Jim opened his eyes again, searching for Leonard’s. They locked eyes.

 

_Cause I’m still young_  
 _Wide-eyed and hopeless_  
 _Yeah, I’m still young_  
 _I want your devotion to this_  
 _Can we kiss like we do in my head_  
 _Can we dance like we do on my bed  
_ _Like we’re still young_

 

Jim finished off with a desperate tone in his voice.   
He was breathing hard as he thanked the guests and stepped off the stage to make room for the band again.

 

Leonard was still frozen in place.

He watched Jim walk down the few stairs and out of the gym’s back entrance.

After a few seconds Leonard blinked and straightened up a bit. At the back of his mind he registered the people still staring at him as he made his way to the exit. He didn’t care.

 

Leonard opened the door and stepped out of the hall, looking around. Jim wasn’t waiting for him. Leonard didn’t really know if he had expected him to. The promise he made Jim earlier that day echoed in his mind.

 

_But it’s just gonna be five minutes._

 

Jim probably thought Leonard would just leave now. But how could he?

He headed for the parking lot, and as he rounded a corner, he saw someone walk away from him. Leonard picked up his pace and soon he could make out the telltale blond hair.

 

“Jim.” He didn’t shout, but Jim seemed to have heard him anyway. He stopped but didn’t turn around. Leonard could see his shoulders slump.

Leonard took a few more steps towards him. “Jim,” he said again. His voice sounded scratchy and he cleared his throat.

 

They stood there, Jim facing away from him, Leonard looking at the back of his head, for what felt like a small eternity. Eventually, Jim turned around. His chest was still rising and falling quicker than normal, breath coming a bit harder.

 

He was so beautiful Leonard wanted to cry.

 

“The five minutes are over.” Jim’s voice sounded hollow.

“I know.” Oh god, Leonard didn’t know what to say.

Jim turned his head skywards. “Where’s Jocelyn? She would have been welcome here, too.” He didn’t sound like it.

Leonard breathed out. “We got di- We are not together anymore.”

Jim’s eyes turned to him again. “What happened?”

Without a second thought Leonard said “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

 

It wasn’t the only reason their marriage had fallen apart, but right now it was the only one that mattered.

Jim looked at him, his expression unreadable. The blue in his eyes made Leonard dizzy and he found it hard to keep his breathing even.

 

All of a sudden Jim charged forward. He all but collided with Leonard’s body, his hands burying in the dark hair on the back of Leonard’s head as he pressed slightly chapped lips against softer ones. Leonard didn’t waste a second to sling his arms around Jim’s waist, hands twisting in the fabric of his shirt.

 

They kissed as if their lives depended on it, desperate and with little finesse and too much teeth. Their bodies pushed together, trying to get impossibly closer. Jim drove a leg in between Leonard’s thighs and pushed him against the gym wall, eliciting a low moan from the other man. They rutted against each other urgently, sucking in quick breaths in between seemingly never ending kisses.

 

“Jim,” Leonard groaned after a while, trying to push the other a few inches away from him. “Jim, please. Just stop for a second.” If they continued like this for just a little longer, Leonard was going to come in his pants like the horny teenager he once was.

“Can’t. You’ll be gone in the morning.” Jim tried to reach his mouth again, but Leonard turned his head away.

“What are you talking about?”

“You said so on the phone.” Jim panted against his neck. “That you’re just passing through. I need to take all the time I can get.”

“I have nowhere to go, I can stay here as long as you want.”

 

At that, Jim did push away from him. He looked at Leonard with dark eyes.  
“What are you talking about, Bones?”

Leonard tried to catch his breath. “Jocelyn kicked me out of the house, I’ve got nowhere to go. I can stay as long as you want me to,” he repeated.

Jim’s face lit up. “That’s forever then.”

And with that his lips were back on Leonard’s.

 

Maybe all of this hadn’t been that bad of an idea after all.

 

 


End file.
